I will be the first one to tell you this about myself, I’m a Christian but sometimes I don’t understand God. I have this relationship with Him that can be extremely frustrating at times. I want to trust Him the way I’m supposed to, but that can be difficult when you see things happening for everyone else and feel like somehow God has forgotten you. I’ve questioned my choices; maybe it’s because of what I did when I was 19 or 24, or 33. Is there a secret to this crazy life that I don’t know? Does believing in God mean that I can’t ask questions?
I don’t know why certain things happen to certain people and what is most mind blowing, is when bad things happen to good people. I don’t know why some people are diagnosed with cancer and some aren’t. I don’t know why some people survive cancer and others don’t. I don’t know why some marriages withstand tough times while others end in divorce. I don’t know why some people seem to get chance after chance, and others can’t seem to catch a break. We all hear the same thing from someone at some point in our lives, and I’m sure we’ve all said this too: “Everything happens for a reason”. And sometimes we can even go back and look at past decisions and recognize our part in why things happened the way they did. But it will never explain why it’s not going the way you want it to currently.
I can ask myself why or why not. I’ve made some bad choices like the rest of us, but I do make an effort to do right. I wish I had the answers for all these heart wrenching questions for myself and for others because I know I can’t be the only one who has had these thoughts. I don’t admit it often, but I’m admitting it today, sometimes life sucks, and things don’t make sense.
Let me make something clear. I’m not writing this to throw myself a pity party or to encourage anyone to go on a rant on social media. Although I do think we are all allowed a temporary pity party from time to time as long as the party ends at a decent time. I’m writing this because I have thoughts that I think most of us do too but we just don’t say it because we’re too afraid of appearing ungrateful, weak, or selfish. But what is wrong with being real sometimes? Life is not Facebook! We don’t always have to show off our proudest moments, our best pictures and our greatest accomplishments 100% of the time IRL (in real life). Life isn’t fair sometimes, it will always have its ups and downs and we should all have people in our lives to share both of those times with. If someone is only there when you’re up, ask yourself if that person is a true friend. And when someone is only there when you’re down, ask yourself what that person really wants for you. I honestly feel like this world would be a better place if we all just stopped pretending!
I think we get lost in thinking that strength has to be in pretending everything is great, even when it’s not. I had an unexpected, intense conversation with a good friend of mine recently, about jealousy of all things. I admitted to her that I was jealous of her, her family life with her husband and kids. She shared that she was jealous of the relationship I have with my mom. Her mom passed away from cancer when she was a teenager and I’ve been a single mom for 5 years. As we talked about these harsh truths, the things we wished we had that the other does, and the pain that comes from seeing it, I was thankful that I could be so real with her. I mean, how many people can you just bluntly tell “I’m jealous of you” and not get unfriended or scolded about the things you already know. The difference is our jealousies don’t affect our friendship because we are honest about them. It’s never gotten in the way of me being happy for her or her being happy for me. In fact, it’s something that I feel gives us perspective about each other.
We all have our struggles and I think that sometimes a relationship with God, Christianity or your spiritual connection can make us feel like we don’t have a right to be angry or question things. But I think we should, it’s then when I feel like I grow and learn more about myself and those around me. We were not meant to go through this life alone, or to be fake.
So I end this with one request, let’s all be real with someone today. Tell someone your struggles, let them tell you theirs. And tomorrow, when you feel a little lighter that you’ve shared some of the weight you’ve been carrying on your shoulders, tell someone your ups in life, and let them share theirs.
-marielis, keeping it real
Marielis Unedited 