I really didn’t expect things to go so well. If you read my last post, you may have read about my frustrations with so much of my adult life. The struggles, always having questions, doubts, worries of what I was doing, what I should do. There’s still so much that doesn’t necessarily make sense to me, but I’m thankful for a new and fresh perspective. It’s such an amazing place to be when things are going well enough that even when you get hit with some curve balls, you still have some sense of peace.
It was about a year ago, that I broke the news to some of my trusted people about my thoughts on moving. I didn’t share it with many people, which for me was out of my norm because I tend to be an open book. I felt like God wanted me to keep this desire, this plan, safe with Him. I shared it with one of my church leaders and friends. I was scared, nervous, but instantly had prayer warriors lifting us up. They say that the closer you get to God, sometimes the stronger the enemy attacks. And boy did he attack.
As a single mom, finances can already be a struggle. But then adding in the continuous effects of inflation and increase in costs for literally everything, it can cause a strain for anyone. Then, my sons’ father was out of a job again, so child support stopped, again. Then, my car needed a pretty big repair. I grew angry, why is this happening, and why now. Again, keeping things kind of quiet, I shared with my few trusted circle. I almost felt like I was an annoyance at this point. The child support stopping wasn’t a new situation, car stuff happens to all of us. But why now? This was the worst time for a bump in the road like this.
I wasn’t sure how to take this struggle, other than do what I could that was in my control, and hope for God to get us through the rest. I stayed in prayer, stayed consistent in my tithing, for once felt like my trust level with God was at an all-time high. I had gotten through worse financial situations before, I will make it through again. Then the miracles poured in. When I got the car estimates for my car, I cried at the amount, knowing this was completely out of my budget. But proceeded anyway, not really having much choice, right?! The day my car was ready for pick up, I received a call from the shop. They found a discount I qualified for, which dropped the repairs by $1k! Then my repairs and even more got covered by a person so dear to me that felt led to help me. I can’t tell you how many times I randomly got or found money. Random refunds for things I don’t even remember showed up.
As other things started to settle with these plans, one part missing was our new residence. Looking for a new place to live is a challenge in itself, but when you don’t live there yet, it definitely creates some complexities. I searched for months, doing virtual tours, face time tours, asking for people’s opinions in the area. I was getting close to moving out of my house to our temporary location, not having any idea where we were actually moving to. And then, all of a sudden, my locator did one last search and found a property that had everything I was asking for, for a price I could afford. God knew I needed this to happen, but when He said when. So, when we finished packing up our home in San Antonio, boxes sky high in storage and at my parents’ house, I could close that door and leave the empty house behind. The same house I went through marriage in, brought home a baby, got a divorce, graduated college, the only house my son has ever known of ours in 12 years. I never thought we’d be moving away like this. This wasn’t the way I saw it in my plans, but somehow, for some reason God knew it needed to be this way.
There’s something emotional with boxes that happens inside of us. Whether it’s opening or closing a box. I cannot tell you how many floods of emotions came over me as we boxed up our house. Mourning and surrendering things I held onto because they had once been a part of my plans. The relief and freedom in getting rid of the extra “stuff” that no longer served us. Then fast forward to unpacking boxes and recognizing the reality of this new chapter. The trial and error of figuring out where to put things, where to go, who to talk to, and how to make a new life here.
If you could see me now, you’d see that I’m sitting alone, quietly at a Panera, writing my latest blog. You’d see that even though I don’t know anyone in this little city, I still feel so surrounded by Gods presence. You’d see that even though bumps in the road have come, I still trust in God’s plan. I still have boxes I haven’t unpacked, not knowing if I should even unpack them or not. I still have questions and tons of unknowns. I still have my days of tears, bouts of anxieties and fears, but they are always followed by a reminder of God’s grace. A friend will randomly text me a scripture or an encouraging word, a certain song will play, a quiet whisper, a kind stranger, a blessing I didn’t see comes to light.
Within the last year, although things didn’t go perfectly, not even close to it, I still saw God show up. I will admit that there are still things that I’m waiting on, miracles and blessings I’ve prayed that haven’t been delivered yet. But there is something special about being able to see His blessings when He shows up in different areas of your life. There’s a quote from a Christmas movie that I always love to be reminded of when I don’t understand life. The innocence of this scene reminds me of how I want my faith to always think big the way a child does. It’s from The Santa Clause. The elf tells young Charlie, “Seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing.” The great thing is, God gave us this word too, 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “For we live by believing and not by seeing.”
So let’s believe. Believe for those miracles, pray for them like they are already on their way. Pray and believe for the things you don’t yet see, the things that seem impossible! Take that leap of faith! Do the bold things, even if you do them afraid, not knowing what’s on the other side. God has come through in so many things in my life already, why would He stop now. I’m believing big for me and believing big for all of those reading!
-marielis, believer of BIG miracles
Marielis Unedited 