Where do I sign?

And then there I was, after months of putting my best efforts, sitting in the waiting room of an attorney’s office. It wasn’t the first time I was there, but this time was different. This time I knew, this time I was ready. As much as I prayed for this day not to come, God cleared the path before me instead and gave me a strength I never had before. Flashes of memories went through my mind as I spoke some of the details out with my attorney. Every hurt, both physical and emotional, raced through my mind. I was calm, yet so angry inside. How did I allow this man to hurt and betray me to this point?

It wasn’t always so bad. Bits of joy and laughter crossed my mind as well, but it was when my son’s innocent face came to my mind that helped me pick up the pen. This was not what I wanted for him in any shape or form. I didn’t know how his future would be after this, but I did know that he deserved so much better. At the very least, he deserved a better me. It was by far the most difficult step I have ever had to take. I was angry with myself and I blamed myself for him having to grow up in a “broken home.” No one in my family had ever been divorced so I didn’t know what this was supposed to be like- this thing called Divorce.

Our separation period wasn’t any easier. The pleading began; I started hearing all the sweet nothings I had waited so long to hear. I watched as my parents cried for the hurt that I was going through, but also as they tried to be strong enough to keep it together for me. I was now living in their house as I waited for answers and things to settle, one way or another. Going to the court house for what was supposed to be the final hearing, I watched my then husband come into the mediation room with his wedding ring on. The same wedding ring that he left in a drawer or in his car whenever he went out with friends. How was I supposed to take this? So many questions went through my mind, and the confidence I once had to file for divorce was no longer there. God, what are you doing to me? Why can’t I be steady about this now? So I waited…

I prayed, and prayed and prayed some more. God, help me make the right decision. Show me the way. All I got back at times was to wait; wait until you can walk away knowing you did everything and until my heart was ready. I remember one Sunday morning while at church during prayer time, I found my way to our Pastor. I’ll never forget the words he told me, “The happiest days of your family and of your life are still ahead of you.” The vision of my family was no longer there, but my pastor’s words that morning spoke life into my future. I now felt as if somehow things would be okay and that God would tell me when it was time. Every day that went by, something would be revealed that helped me let go more easily. I continued to witness the broken promises, heard more lies, and even got a confession of an affair in which I already knew about. But it was that last 911 phone call that I made that broke the stronghold this man had on me. I made a promise to myself that it would be the last time I ever had to call the police on my husband.

Finally, the day came. June 19, 2014 was the day my year officially started over. It was the day I signed off to my divorce. I walked away that day with no regrets and no what-ifs because I knew I had patiently and sometimes anxiously waited for God’s guidance. I still didn’t know where my story would go after that, but I knew it wasn’t over. Now, almost three years later, I feel beyond blessed to have the life I have now. God delivered and I have experienced some of the happiest days of my life. I know this is just the beginning.

If you are going through a divorce, you don’t have to go through it alone. Find support. If you know someone who is going through a divorce pray for them, or better yet pray with them because in the end, I know I could not have survived this if it wasn’t for God, my family, my church, and my friends.

-Marielis, Survivor of Divorce