Enough

A word that holds so many meanings. What does it mean for you right now? Maybe it’s the word you use when you’re yelling at your kids when they didn’t listen the first, second or third time. Maybe it’s the question you ask yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it’s the word you describe yourself as when you’ve realized all you’ve overcome. Or maybe it’s simply the word you wish you felt about yourself. Whatever the meaning to you at this moment, I hope it’s a meaning that empowers and encourages you. And if it isn’t at this moment, I understand, and rest assured, that you will get there in time.

I’m not one to pretend I live a perfect life, and show all my happiest moments on every avenue of social media. To be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of social media. (That may have to be a whole different blog) My life is messy, I have a past, I have struggles in my present, and there is so much unknown in my future that sometimes it keeps me up at night. But if there is one thing I know, it’s that I don’t live the typical life I thought I would be at 33. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always feel the most confident about where I am in life. Because if I’m completely honest, the world screams at me every chance it gets to make me feel like I’m supposed to be in a different phase in life. But as often as those struggling moments come, they pass more quickly now, if I just stop and think about what God has given me, versus what He hasn’t given me yet.

Let’s start with the fact that I have breath in my lungs and the ability to share my life with the best people around. I have a good job. I have not just a house, but a home. My son and I are both in good health. I can keep going, but I think we can get the point. I’m in a good place. You are in a good place. It’s all about perspective. We all have ENOUGH of everything in this life, but when life throws a curveball or two, or when you’re in one of those “when it rains it pours” situations, it makes all those highs in life not seem so high. When something tough happens, like that rejection from someone important to us, or the job opportunity that didn’t go as planned, all of a sudden we feel insufficient. We cling to what hurts, and forget what made us happy. Then it spirals into a search for joy, when it was there all along.

Why we only seem to mainly look for our most joyful things when we are going through some type of sorrow, is beyond me. I’m guilty of it. It’s a reminder we need almost every day. I can go backwards and think how some things in my life might be different, had I just been confident and said ENOUGH to the people or things that were weighing me down. Or had I just known I was ENOUGH and didn’t seek approval or acceptance from anyone. But it’s a lesson to be learned, even if it took me 33 years to learn it. And each lesson has been a stepping stone to where I am today. Sometimes I take steps back unintentionally, but something or someone in my life always finds a way to put me back on track.

The world tells us we need more of everything and anything. It’s something that we can’t get rid of, whether it’s through social media, billboards, commercials, and even family or friends. Sometimes we lose ourselves with the very thing we thought would complete us. But the truth is, if you don’t find yourself complete or whole as it is, nothing will ever satisfy you. You will be left disappointed and you will walk away disappointing someone else. No one is excluded from that, and the reason is simple, we are not perfect people. I used to hold onto my own mistakes and wave them in my own face time and time again. I’ve messed up, said things I shouldn’t have, or stayed quiet when I should’ve spoken up. But at this point in my life, I’ve come to understand that life and time are a greater gift then we think, and all I can do is to try to swallow my pride, apologize, and move on. Sometimes that means moving on without the person or thing that I failed. And that’s ok, because if I am not ENOUGH for them, I am still ENOUGH for myself and for those still sticking around, mistakes and disappointments included.

So next time life brings you feeling hopeless and searching for joy, I hope that the journey brings you back to yourself, because you are ENOUGH!

-Marielis, enough